Sixes And Sevens
If ever a day were designed to make a man want to be back in his cozy home with his wife and animals, today was that day. A Monday, a rainy Monday, a rainy Monday after insufficient sleep the night before, a rainy Monday after insufficient sleep the night before when one’s coworkers are bitter, gossipy, pessimistic, vulgar, and determined to draw one into their simmering cauldron. This was my Monday.
The ability to focus so intently on one’s duties that one blocks out all distractions and temptations must indeed be a high spiritual gift. I aspire to lead a life so virtuous that one day before I retire (if I ever retire) I will be able to achieve this level of focus.
Perhaps it is because I am older and more prone to notice things that annoy me. Perhaps it is because people are different these days. Or perhaps the things I encountered in this workday were specifically designed to test me, to help me grow in grace, to sand down my rough edges, to mature me. Whatever the root of today’s trials, I found myself several times almost unable to keep from climbing up onto a desk and declaiming, Henry V-like, to the staring employees:
“Can you shut up for one minute? Can you give silence just one minute to hold sway? Are you never embarrassed by the things that pour forth from your mouths? Are your lives so shallow that you must fill them up with the immoral antics of celebrity strangers? Are you so disgusted with God’s creative ineptitude that you must defile the body He gave you with needle-graffiti? Do your children frighten you so much that you give into their every whim and then boast of your own cowardice to everyone within earshot? Do you hate your husbands so deeply and regret marrying them so bitterly that you must slander and dishonor them by blathering about their every little imperfection to a group of people just as soul-sick as you are, who feed on your unhappiness and spit back more unhappiness to you in return? Do you really sit in church every Sunday as you claim to? Are you truly outraged by the news items you recite, even though your own self-described life eclipses some of these sordid headlines on a daily basis?”
Yes, I wanted so much to say this to the group of them today. But I did not. Not only was I aware that my words would have at best elicited a wave of scorn and derision, but also that they would have changed nothing. In fact, had I said such things, they may well have incited my coworkers to dial up the frequency and intensity of their venom, and they most certainly would have begun aiming their missiles directly at me. I am no longer the combative man I was when young, and I would not willingly light that particular fuse.
I come home at the end of the day and I am so glad and so relieved and so light-hearted to be in the presence of those whom I love and who love me. And I wonder while sitting here in this softly-lit room how many other souls endure such trials at work. I also wonder how many people notice such things. I wonder how many others are completely drained at the end of the day, feeling as if they need to take a spiritual shower with steel wool? I know many people who readily say, “Oh, I love my job! I love my coworkers! They’re like my family!” Perhaps these people are telling the truth. Perhaps I am a bitter cynic. But when I hear these statements, I feel exactly as I do when I hear people say, “Oh, I don’t hate anyone! I’ve never hated anyone! I’m too busy to hate!” I simply cannot believe such statements. I’m willing to concede that it’s possible that someday I may learn that many other people really DID love their jobs and coworkers, and that most other people really never DID hate anyone else. It’s possible.
Given our finances and the state of things in the world and in our household, it is doubtful that I will ever get to retire. It is equally doubtful that I will ever work in an environment where such outrageous speech and behavior –once so shocking and now so common — are a rarity instead of the norm.
Perhaps, by God’s grace and the intercession and unseen help of those already gathered around His throne, I will one day reach such a state of virtue that I can block out the ugliness around me, or at least move from feeling anger and disgust to feeling sorrow and pity.
Oh, to live in such a way that my life itself — with no words spoken — would be sufficient to cause unruly people to cease their behavior and look to their souls.
~ S.K. Orr
2 Comments
Francis Berger
What you described in this post pretty much summarizes the greater part of my adult working life. Luckily, I don’t have to deal with too many annoying co-workers these days, and I like my job for the most part.
Having said that, I do spend most of the day alone within the sanctuary of my own office with the door closed, so that probably explains why I don’t mind my work too much at the moment.
I am not sure if I ever told you this, but I spent six years working as a high school teacher in “ghetto” schools in the Bronx and Queens. Now that was an experience!
admin
You’re very blessed to be able to largely enjoy your job, Francis. And I’d say you deserve the blessing, too, considering that you worked in public schools in the Bronx and Queens. I cannot begin to imagine what that was like. I’m sure you could tell some sobering stories…my goodness!