Prisstianity

I’m trying very diligently these days to tune out people around me when I am at work, not listening to any conversation which is not directly work-related, not watching their faces or gauging their reactions to others’ words. This is essential for my own tranquility, because I work with a group that is probably a microcosm of what most people think of when encountering the term “office politics.”

One young woman (the term “gal” seems completely apt when I think of her) requires me to exert considerable mental effort in order to block out her constant chatter and noise. She is very typical of many people I encounter these days, and the common element seems to be heavy involvement in the church world.

This is not to say that this young woman is pious or reverent or holy in her actions and speech; quite the contrary. She is coarse and vulgar, belching and scratching herself in that way that young women do these days, behavior once reserved for males under the age of thirty. She chews her food with her mouth open, talks to herself incessantly, laughs at her own jokes, such as they are. Most arresting is her habit of what past generations would have recognized as blasphemy: her favorite expression of surprise or disgust or dismay is “Jesus!” or “Jee-zus Kuh-RYST!” She pretends to get the vapors if one of the others uses an epithet of any sort, especially the popular one that rhymes with the common name of a waterfowl. But utilizing as a base swear word the holy name of the One she claims to love and serve…well, that’s not a problem.

This stands in stark contrast to her endless chatter about church, about her duties as church secretary, about the exciting things the pastor has been “sharing” lately, about the vibrant women’s Sunday School Class she’s teaching, about how the Lord is blessing, about how the Spirit is moving mightily, about how she’s claiming some particular thing in faith. There is a prissiness, a disagreeable briskness to her conversation about church and faith. I think of her as a Prisstian.

And yet this young woman is one of the most pernicious and constant gossips I’ve ever encountered. A relentless campaign of whispering, tale-bearing, gossip, backbiting, innuendo, rumor, scandal, and shock SHOCK! flows from the same lips that purr with praise & worship songs every Wednesday and twice on Sunday (yes, her church is finally meeting together again, with proper masking and social distancing, after four or five months of kneeling to the dictates of government).

Just being in the presence of people like this is acid to my heart. And the reality is that she is not extraordinary. Her type is very, very common these days. You can encounter her at every shop, restaurant, doctor’s office, and corporate building in the land. Such people are fully convinced that they are ticking off the right boxes. Such people are fully on the side of evil. And it’s sad, because the self-delusion is so complete, so reinforced, so immutable.

So on the drive home in the evenings, I roll the windows down and let the air stream in over my face and torso, and it feels as if sick wickedness is being washed from my soul, and I arrive at home ready to see those I love, and ready to put such people and such madness from my mind. But they intrude, you see. They always intrude.

Last night, I was outside with Jinx when I saw a small form on the ground beneath one of the windows. I remembered then. The night before, my wife and I heard a loud “thump” on the window and realized that a bird had flown into it. We wondered aloud if the poor thing had injured itself, but we were distracted and didn’t go outside to check. What I found beneath the window was a lovely little titmouse, victim of the unyielding reality of glass.

I disposed of the little body while indulging in a frequent daydream. I like to imagine that someday, in the kingdom of Heaven, I will encounter all the little creatures I’ve rescued or buried or at least tried to treat with kindness, and that they will communicate to me in some fashion that they remember me. This is a sweet and peaceful thought, and I try to fix it in my mind during the arid stretches of hours when I am trying to block out the chipper chatter of good Christians.

~ S.K Orr