I Never Thought I'd Be In This Situation
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From The Place I Love
As I went this morning from the place I love to the place finances demand that I be, my thoughts went down a well-worn road. Someone once said that we can infer much about a man by examining what he thinks about when he is free to think about anything at all. At certain predictable times — when I am driving, when I am mowing the lawn, when I am washing dishes — my mind so frequently drifts to thoughts of God, of the eternal, of the un-graspable metaphysics of this earthly life. At such times, I tend to think of my place in this world, the chances I’ve missed…
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Sixes And Sevens
If ever a day were designed to make a man want to be back in his cozy home with his wife and animals, today was that day. A Monday, a rainy Monday, a rainy Monday after insufficient sleep the night before, a rainy Monday after insufficient sleep the night before when one’s coworkers are bitter, gossipy, pessimistic, vulgar, and determined to draw one into their simmering cauldron. This was my Monday. The ability to focus so intently on one’s duties that one blocks out all distractions and temptations must indeed be a high spiritual gift. I aspire to lead a life so virtuous that one day before I retire (if…
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Faith In Exile, Part III – Conclusion
The Lenten season is upon us, and I am adrift. From what I understand, the majority of people who join the Catholic church are received into her arms during the Easter Vigil. Because of complications in my past life including divorce, along with complete uncertainty about which version of Catholicism I should be following, I have resigned myself to probably never being a real, official Catholic. Yet hope remains. I realized some time ago — gradually, like the sunrise, not an immediate clap of thunder — that I had come to believe the Catholic church is the one, true faith…that the Church truly is the pillar and bulwark of the…
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Faith In Exile, Part II
To continue… I began searching out and reading Catholic blogs and websites, and was soon dismayed at what I read. Well, let me clarify that. I was dismayed at what the articles pointed me towards. All the time I had been circling Catholicism, thinking in terms of doctrine and authority and salvation, I had managed to somehow ignore the fact that I was contemplating the Catholic church during a time of great upheaval. I found myself confronted with scism and sexual scandal and allegations of cover-ups and Vatican II this and sedevacantist that and vacant seats and impious popes and illicit popes and illegitimate popes and angry laypeople and apathetic…
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Faith In Exile, Part I
I’ve never until this moment written the following words down, and I’ve only spoken them aloud to my wife. I consider myself a Catholic. I was raised in a non-religious home, although my mother taught us to believe in the God of the Bible, and in His son, Jesus. She allowed us to attend church with friends if we wished, and she prayed with me at my bedside when I was a little fellow. The doctrines — if they can be called doctrines — that I was taught were standard but elusive. The Ten Commandments, and the Sinner’s Prayer, and Jesus waits to be invited into our hearts. But even…
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Husbanding Daylight
The switch back to Daylight Savings Time will be here early Sunday, and I dread it. The coziness of wintertime is at least partly enforced by the long nights and brutal temperatures. Few of us want to spend hours outside working on projects with fingers bereft of sensation, and so we hie to our homes and gather in our quiet little familial groups and occupy ourselves with things that tend towards the soft, the mild, the legato. When the time of increased daylight arrives, the roads and shopping centers will be crammed with people buying plants and trees and sports equipment, and the car stereos will be louder, and the…
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On The Trail
Sunday is soaking down into the soil like the day’s rain, and it will soon disappear completely, and Monday will sprout during the quiet hours when the spring drives our ticking clock with its relentless pendulum, while we are unaware that the work week has already blossomed. Unless I am going to be off the next day, I spend part of every Sunday dreading Monday. Dreading the brusque, self-absorbed people with whom I work, them and their shallow chitchat and their endless references to current popular culture figures of whom I have no knowledge and even less interest. Dreading the curdling hypocrisy of working in a field driven by profit…
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Februum
It is snowing lightly here, and the cold air seems all the more cruel after having spent the past few days in Texas. We had one truly fine day there, with the temperatures in the sixties, and we went with the grandchildren to a park and watched them exhaust themselves on the swings and slides and climbing apparatus. We were sheltered by ancient live oaks, and a bird whose call I did not recognize kept us company as we called encouragement to the little blond boys and marveled at all the movements and actions that we can no longer perform. How many of our own feats we take for granted…
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Realizations
I’ve worked in a fair number of nursing homes in my time, and I’ve helped many and many an elderly gent to the restroom, and given many a bath/shower as well. One of the most common laments I’ve heard, always offered in a moment of sad vulnerability and need, is “I never thought I’d be in this situation.” In this season of my life, I reflect more and more on where I am, and on the circumstances and decisions that had led me here. If I’m not careful, I may give the impression that I am brimming with self-pity, and this is not the case. I have come to see…