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Two Thousand Twenty-Four
I wanted to wish a Happy New Year to each of my dear readers. May this year be a healthy, prosperous one, and may it bring about the destruction of those who hate us and those like us. May we receive answers to some of the questions that trouble us. May we stop wasting time on things and thoughts and people who dissipate our energies and disrupt the harmony we crave. May we notice and laugh at the absurdities swarming around us in this life. May we abandon the idea that we’re going to solve that particular problem or set that certain thing right. Most of all, may we open…
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What Tumbles Out
I have been reading, thinking, pondering. I have been living and breathing. I have been observing. Rain and night are here now, and it will not be warm again for a while. What is my chief desire for my remaining days? What will I die for — that is to say, what will give my death meaning? Do I fear death….or do I fear not mattering at the end of my days? What is my inner sense of what I must do, and what I must cease doing? The answer is within me, like the slumbering sliver within a cold seed. Away with the wispy existence, the inner fixation that…
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Febyooerry Beguines
Ah, February. When we are forced as a country to come to terms with how rayciss America is. Because why else would those politicians assign Black History Month to the shortest month? We were spared the ice sheet that fell down on Texas, Arkansas, and Missouri, and we were grateful. We’ve been down that road before, and it ain’t something we want to repeat. A couple of years after we bought this farm, we were hit with an ice storm. The fences around the chicken coop were bowed over to the ground, having become glittering drapery for the poor beleaguered girls inside the henhouse. Massive limbs from the old pine…
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Kingdom Of Remnants
I am looking through the glass doors, looking outside at the peach trees Mrs. Orr and I tucked into the earth several years ago, now standing bare-limbed in the cold air at the edge of the front meadow. The trees have never done very well in terms of producing edible fruit, but they are lovely when they blossom and their leaves provide a nice shade beneath which we sometimes sit in the Adirondack chairs in warm weather. Someday those trees will be dead and gone, and perhaps no one in future years will ever know that beautiful peach trees once stood in that spot, on that gentle rise in the…
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A Choir of Seabirds
The cold here is deep and milky, with probing fingers and breath on the back of my neck. The quiet has settled in at our little farm, and the flames are waltzing behind the glass in the stove, and I, I alone, am awake in this room, this room lit only by those flames. When I arrived at work, my crows were standing in a line so straight, they looked like decorations in a shop. They burbled at me in soft voices as I walked past them, sprinkling crackers across the striped and oil-stained asphalt. Later, when I came out to sit in the back seat and eat my lunch…
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The Chamber of Loneliness
I was born into this world with certain things intact. The color of my skin, my eyes, my hair. The size and proportion of my skeletal frame. A certain personality and a particular temperament. Specific and focused interests. A drive towards thinking about and seeking to fully experience the spiritual, the transcendent. Like all sons of Adam, my life has been a scattered path of trying to make sense of the damage that occurs when my interests and desires have not dovetailed with my abilities and personality. For example, I was born with some musical talent and the ability to write competently, but neither of these artistic areas ever led…
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Let It Stay
The sky was as blue as a cornflower marble, wisps of cirrus clouds high in the ceiling, and there were no vapor trails, no intruding airplanes. There were only hawks up there, and Jinx, sky-aware as always, sat with me and watched them in their fixed-wing thermal soarings. We were in the cemetery grass, and it was warm and soft there in the green, on the carpet that covers the sleeping remains of fathers and daughters, mothers and sons. The carved and lettered stones stood around us as if watching, and they were speaking, though not in voices a waking man can hear. I watched Jinx as he watched the…
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Down In The Dirt
Saturday was supposed to be a home day, a day of chores and catching up on rest and spending time with Mrs. Orr and sporting with Jinx. But a small possum made shreds of my plans and I had to spend much of the day undoing his damage, along with trips to town to obtain the needed materials for the repair job. So the hours unspooled and we found ourselves in stores and we found ourselves in a restaurant, and we found ourselves watching people and wincing at what they wore, how they spoke, how they acted. We were relieved when we found ourselves back on our road, greeted at…
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Easter Monday
Reading this morning in Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God, I felt as if the old monk were aiming some of his words directly at me across the centuries. In his eighth letter, he tells the person to whom he’s writing: I do not advise you to use multiplicity of words in prayer; many words and long discourses being often the occasions of wandering… And in his ninth letter, discussing a mutual acquaintance, he tells his correspondent: She seems to me full of good will, but she would go faster than grace. One does not become holy all at once. … These two subjects, verbosity in prayer…
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Between Solstice And Celebration
I didn’t plan to stay away from this blog for so long, but life sort of ganged up on me there… We’ve been preparing for the grandkids’ visit. Once again, I am amazed at the number of things that need cleaning, stowing away, and rearranging. And in the midst of all the preparations, we’ve had repairmen and contractors and electricians here to do some much-needed work. For the past few years, my wife and I have been torn about whether to stay here in the mountains or to return to Texas. We’ve back-and-forthed ourselves to the point of exhaustion, covering all the pros and cons, exploring as many options and…